the enduring chill

After reading The Enduring Chill by Flannery O'Connor, I have to say, I am what he has been.  Ignorant (partially and willfully), lazy, self-centered, "failed," empty, dead.  I have stared out the window and up at the ceiling thinking of death, the end of myself.  I have felt the enduring chill, the slow steady descent of the Holy Spirit.  I have been disappointed at people whose answers are too simple and deep.  I have let myself down and down, and what remains is a shell for a new risen life to inhabit.  Sickness is good for everyone but the healthy, and maybe even them.